🎂 A Birthday Fund & A Public Roast

The man. The myth.
The guy who needs help
buying gifts for himself.

Bharat is turning 45. That's four and a half decades of unsolicited advice, working out with no gains, and wearing the same three shirts on rotation. He deserves nice things. He cannot, apparently, ask for them on his birthday.

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45
Years on Earth
Thoughts at Meetings
3
Things He Will Want
A Word From Himself

45 years old and his newest hobby is pickleball. Not investing. Not meditation. Pickleball.

Bharat is strategic. He runs teams, crafts narratives, and thinks in systems, can come up with a dozen useless ideas with AI, and write in third person. He has, however, failed to build the the ability to receive gifts on his birthday without guilt. So here we are — crowdfunding for a man who could explain the ROI of this birthday fund using three frameworks and a slide deck.

He's also clearly a very handsome man, despite a 10 year "weight loss journey". Today, you can celebrate him anyway.

The Will Get List

Three items. Any amount welcome. No (publicly visible) judgment.

Apple Watch Ultra 3

So he can track exactly how elevated his heart rate gets during meetings that could've been emails. Finally, biometric data to confirm what everyone already knew: he is, in fact, stressed.

Six Zero Black Diamond 6.0 Pickleball Racquet

A professional-grade racquet for the sport he discovered three months ago and immediately made his entire personality. He's 45. This is his era. Let's equip him accordingly.

Shoes (but not socks)

His 2025 shoes are beginning to have no sole, so reluctantly, this purchase will be eventual. Your contribution will be ready and waiting for the day he makes a decision. No estimated timeline provided.

Time to Put Your Money Where Your Affection Is

Send Him Some Love

No minimum. No maximum. Just generosity for a man who has survived 45 whole years.

Venmo @EsquireIT

Open your Wallet app or send via iMessage using the number below. Tap to copy.

(404) 823-3419

All contributions go toward Bharat's birthday gift fund. He will find out who gave what. He will remember. You'll see it in his eyes. He will be grateful — or at least act like it.